My life's work read my life's dream

I need to furnish this momentous penultimate occasion with some kind of image....later!

To my beloved parents, 

my letter to you -

About 3 weeks ago now, I was able to connect with what my life used to think it was going to be about before all the things that it did actually become - I'd almost given up -

Until the occasion of my first university experience - well my second actually - because when I attended the first, I failed English - what a joke! - I will never forget how I queried the result and then saw that the teacher whose name I will also never forget - re marked the work and devalued it

- well - then - as you know, it took me quite a long time to get into my second university - to jump a giant leap so to say, in this narrative - and, I'm so happy I did. 

4 degrees later, yes - Ahhmazing!!! I am an alumni and receive the alumni newsletters - I attend whatever I can and whenever I can and recently I attended an HDR meeting. Everyone was so nice - that was so refreshing. I reconnected with my life's dream and there were lights shining in my tired consciousness all over. I was the last to leave; people were even calling me by my first name.  

After this experience, I connected with the administration and located the Expression of Interest form -

Then, I madly filled it out -too madly in fact it was so psychobabbly - but I did not see that at the time, and I even had the audacity to ask a colleague here at work to read it - my goodness!

From this retrospective window here, where I sit, I am quite ashamed because it was so bad - anyway, as I did send it off to the coordinator, and as, the coordinator was on leave, of course, I sent it to the acting coordinator.

It was received politely but not quite as cognisantly as I had hoped. In my limited opinion, I had imagined that the reader would have in their head something akin to what was brewing in my head -

You see, because I conceived it being received in another way - my anticipation had climbed the metaphorical Everest with an elevated sense of speed.

Perhaps due to this - this forced me to crash. My aspirations fell down plummeting, and my hope was extinguished -

...but, a couple of days later, the actual coordinator, not acting, came back to me and asked me where I was at with it all. 

"So excitement" - as Kylie from The Comedy Company would say, remember mum? - my anticipation soared almost as high again - I returned to the computer with passion and commitment and after sending what I thought was almost ok except for its exorbitant word limit I felt again my aim was too short. As this sending was after a day of teaching, I don't beat myself up about it too much.

And, as it was as I've said, not okay from the clear light of day, I could see my error so I attempted another try - and in this other try I think I finally got my head around the requirements - pompously believing all is AOK - I sent if off.

But in response, with my ego blinded by its own light, a lacklustre response came back to me and I was flattened again - I thought it best at this point to leave it with the gods, but then was able to ask a non-intrusive but pertinent question with a one word amendment to my EOI, so I sent that off - then, the coordinator said "leave it with me..." for a garnering of interest and capacity to fill - I take this to mean there is hope!!! -

There is no one in the whole wide world that I would most like to pass this news onto than yourselves.

my love - always